


state of love

by DangerousLiaisons



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bottom Tony Stark, Dating, First Dates, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Fucking, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, I hate tagging so much, Jealousy, M/M, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, No Refractory Period, Oral Sex, Possessive Bucky Barnes, Sauna, Sex, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, Top Bucky Barnes, Top Steve Rogers, Top Thor (Marvel), Top Tony Stark, Ugh, can yall please tell me what to tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:41:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24530047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangerousLiaisons/pseuds/DangerousLiaisons
Summary: tony and thor want steve. steve doesn't know what he wants. then bucky comes back!some sex, cuteness, dating, and of course emotional trauma and healingmaybe another character lurking in a future chapter too ...this story is super sexual at times and then super not at others. idk.hello donate, share resources, educate others, protest, etc. for Black lives !!!!!!!!!! if you don't support everything going on then dont read this story, i forbid it!!!!COMPILATION LIST OF RESOURCES: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jsCO7zuVvpj4gWyheDZ1jH2i83hVUsYLjEhsLnl9-8c/edit?fbclid=IwAR1pwUTSp_sSKFygrC7EnzsNmejVfF0Gzz7AQziZsQHfkPzlbqPKlbhAS1M
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Thor, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 17
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

After their first fight together in New York, Steve felt relieved. Of course because they had saved millions of people, but also because he had found people like him. People with superhuman abilities that wanted to help other people. It was nice.

Meeting Tony and Thor was an added bonus, too. They often clashed on ideas and plans, but there was an underlying tension that Steve could feel. He could feel it all over his body.

Tony was more discreet about it. Steve would catch him stealing looks, especially when changing. Thor, on the other hand, had no shame. He would stare at Steve whenever he wanted and he’d do it overtly. Bite his lip and grab his bulge.

Steve didn’t know how to react to either man’s method. Of course, he found it flattering, but he didn’t know how to reciprocate. Plus, he’d sometimes feel a pang of guilt when he thought about other men like that. He and Bucky were meant to be together and he’d lost the love of his life. It was a struggle to move on.

Thor got braver first. He’d stand way too close to Steve to be just friends. Hands on Steve’s lower back, mouth against his ear. The mortal would feel the god getting hard through the fabric and whine each time.

Tony got jealous. He wasn’t as open and fluid with his sexuality as Thor was and he didn’t know how to make advances so smoothly. 

It escalated when Thor invited Steve to the sauna at the Avengers headquarters one day. He did it right in front of Tony and winked at the billionaire as he walked past him. 

The two men stopped at the locker room first to disrobe. Steve started to strip his shirt off but he felt a hand on his arm.

“May I?” Thor asked.

“You wanna take my clothes off?” Steve replies.

“Your body is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I would love the honor,” the god stated.

“Well, when you put it that way,” Steve chuckled.

Thor smiled and kissed Steve’s cheek and Steve melted a little

First was the shirt, and Thor exhaled as he removed it, tracing his fingertips along Steve’s abs. 

“Breathtaking,” Thor breathed.

Then he knelt down, tossed away Steve’s shoes and socks, and rubbed his hands up and down the other man’s legs.

He stood back up, face to face with Steve, lips almost touching.

“I would like to kiss you if you’re okay with that,” Thor said.

Steve got goosebumps. Thor fumbled with the button and zipper on Steve’s pants.

“I would...”

“But?”

“It’s complicated,” Steve said.

“I can be patient,” Thor smiled. “Is this closeness okay for now?”

Steve nodded and smiled. Thor yanked down the man’s pants.  
Steve stepped out of them.

“Absolutely stunning,” Thor said, admiring Steve’s well-endowed bulge.

Thor stepped back to take in the beauty in front of him as he stripped himself. Once they were both down to their underwear, they rid themselves of those at the same time.

Both their erections sprang free and they were in awe. Steve was well above average — very well above. But Thor, being a god and all, was massive. 

“Holy shit,” Steve laughed. “How do people take that thing?”

“It requires a certain... endurance,” Thor said, deeply, and Steve shivered.

They started at each other for several moments. Thor wanted him so badly but didn’t dare disrespect Steve’s boundaries.

“Do you shave your chest?” Thor asked.

Steve nodded, “I like a clean shave.”

“I’d bet you look gorgeous unshaved, full beard... hairy.”

Steve shivered again. He did admire Thor’s full beard. “We should get in the sauna.”

Thor followed Steve in, staring at his perfectly sculpted ass and back as he did so.

They sat at opposite sides, erections still at full mast. Thor stroked himself every so often as they sat in silence and admired each other.

“Most beautiful man in the world,” Thor eventually whispered, stroking himself.

Steve blushed. It was hot in there.

After a while, Thor stopped taking his hand off his dick and just kept jerking off.

“Tell me if I ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I want to court you the right way,” Thor states.

Steve wanted to laugh a bit. Court him? It was a bit old school. But he wasn’t one to talk. Technically they were both old men.

Thor’s words were also loving, too. He felt warm. He nodded in response.

“Can you do something for me?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, playing with his dick.

“Can you turn around and show me your ass?”

Steve moaned and didn’t hesitate to comply. Both men jerked off as he did so.

Steve rubbed his ass cheeks and smacked them a couple times. Thor whined longingly. 

“Can you bend over and show me your hole?” Thor asked, his voice raw.

“Fuck, Thor.”

“I know, baby. It’s out of order but I promise I’ll take out on a proper date, like you people of Earth do. Sound good?”

“Yeah,” Steve whined. “I would love that.”

He bent over and spread his ass cheeks apart.

“Fuck,” Thor growled. “Do you shave your ass, too?”

“Yeah.” Steve was breathless. It was too hot.

“That’s really hot,” Thor said, jerking off wildly. “But no more. Alright? Embrace the hairiness. For me?”

“Fuck, okay. Yeah. Anything for you.”

“Fuck.”

And that’s when Tony entered.

His eyes went wide at the sight in front of him. Thor didn’t stop stroking himself.

Tony dropped his towel and sat next to Steve, smirking at Thor. He was hard quickly.

Steve sat back down and stroked himself with the other men. Tony was big — not as big as the other two, but still very nice.

Tony put his hand on Steve’s neatly trimmed pubes and Thor growled possessively. He then moved to Steve’s other side, leaned in, and kissed Steve’s neck.

It was hot. No, it was too hot. It was really fucking hot and Steve was overwhelmed. He shouldn’t be doing this. This was wrong. His heart belonged to Bucky and this was disrespectful and horrible. He couldn’t breath.

And just like that, he got up and bolted, leaving the other two alone. 

This couldn’t happen again.


	2. Chapter 2

Things went back to how they used to be after the sauna incident. Thor and Tony kept their space, respectfully.

Steve acted as if nothing had happened. Thor would try to flirt with him and Steve would only entertain it for so long. He grew more defensive with Tony, too.

Then they each started working on their own missions and projects. Thor and Tony saw less and less of Steve, so Thor eventually went back to Asgard.

“He left?” Steve asked when he found Tony. “He didn’t even say goodbye.”

“He said he’d be back soon,” Tony replied. 

“But he didn’t even say anything.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Cap. You haven’t been saying anything to him, or me, for a while now either,” Tony said. He patted Steve on the shoulder as he walked by him.

He was about to leave but Steve stopped him.

“Tony, wait,” the captain said.

Tony turned around.

“It’s complicated.”

“So you’ve said, Steve.”

Steve looked down. He couldn’t keep distancing himself. Not if it meant he was pushing away people he loved. 

“Take me on a date,” he blurted out.

“What?” Tony asked.

“Take me out.”

Tony walked closer to him and touched his cheek gently.

“Gladly.”

And he didn’t waste any time to do so. He was going to take Steve to the nicest restaurant he could think of, but instead opted to hear the other man’s input.

“I’m fine with just the diner nearby.”

“Right. Of course you are.”

And it went better than Tony expected. Steve was acting normal and happy. Showed no signs of leaving suddenly like he did in the sauna. They even held hands for a little while.

“I gotta say, Tony,” Steve began, “you’ve changed a lot.”

“Should I take that as a compliment?”

“I meant it as one,” Steve nodded.

“Well, I can’t say the same for you,” Tony stated. “You’re so old. One of those senior citizens stuck in his ways.”

Steve choked on his water, laughing too hard to breathe.

“It’s nice to get to know you apart from what my father told me,” Tony said.

Steve’s smile slowly faded and he looked away.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—“

“It’s okay, Tony. The past is... there’s a lot that I haven’t dealt with yet.”

Tony nodded. “It won’t go away until you do. Trust me.”

Steve looked at him and held his hand tightly.

After dinner, Steve insisted on seeing a movie because he was always a traditionalist of course.

Tony didn’t resist. They ended up getting tickets for a movie they forgot the name of. Instead of watching, they made out in the back the entire time.

Tony got daring and slipped his hand into Steve’s pants and jerked him off quietly. They made as little noise as possible, but weren’t really paying attention to see if anyone noticed. 

“Tony, Tony,” Steve panted, breaking their kiss. “I’m gonna cum, wait.”

But Tony just kissed him again and kept stroking him. And then Steve came. In waves and his body trembled. He clung to Tony’s arms tightly as he shot his loud, staining his clothes and covering Tony’s hand. 

“Oh, my god,” Steve said, breathless.

“You cum a lot,” Tony whispered back.

“It’s,” Steve panted, “it was the serum.”

“Damn, boy. Hot as hell.”

Tony later kissed him goodnight and Steve was floating.

In the morning, they both woke up to news and media reporting that they were dating.

They continued on their date for a couple weeks. Tony made fun of Steve the entire time for how slow they were moving. Steve scoffed and said it was romantic to go steady. 

And then Thor came back.

As the two returned from a picnic, they found the god standing in the kitchen. 

“Jesus, Thor,” Tony scoffed. “Why are you lurking in the shadows?”

“Hey,” Steve said softly to Thor, ignoring Tony. He walked up to the god. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye,” Thor said.

Steve put his hands on Thor’s face, feeling his soft beard, and kissed him. Thor instantly wrapped his arms around Steve and pressed them together as tight as superhumanly possible.

“Um,” Tony coughed. “Hello?”

To Thor’s own surprise, he pulled Tony in and kissed him, too.

Soon enough, the three were naked in bed. Each of them had already shot a load from hand jobs or blowjobs or friction alone. But they were still hard.

Steve was on his elbows and knees, ass presented for Tony to graciously bury his face and tongue in. Thor had his legs spread so Steve could suck his dick, or as much of the monster as he could.

“Yeah, that’s it, angel,” Thor moaned.

“Fucking heaven,” Tony agreed.

Thor tilted Steve’s chin upwards so they could look each other in the eyes, his mouth still around the god’s cock.

“Most beautiful man in the universe,” Thor cooed. “Most beautiful body in the universe,” he repeated after they had rearranged themselves and he was thrusting inside Steve. 

“So big,” Steve mumbled, intoxicated from the pleasure. He whined as Thor tried to push further in.

“Shhh,” Thor whispered, putting his fingers in Steve’s mouth to suck on. “You can take it. I know it’s big, but you can do it.”

And eventually, he did. And Thor then fucked him how he knew Steve wanted to be fucked. How he knew Steve needed to be fucked.

Tony slid his cock into Steve’s mouth and leaned over to kiss Thor. The two filled and satisfied their man from both ends. The way they knew he needed and deserved. 

They switched it up again and Thor fucked Steve from the back while Steve slid inside Tony in missionary.

“Yeah, that’s my boy,” Tony groaned. And Steve fucked him. Hard. Thor kept his pace with them easily. 

And then they were all cumming. Splattering each other and filling each other up and kissing the entire time. 

They collapsed in the sheets, but still kissed. Tony and Thor worshiped Steve’s body.

Things became good after that. They were inseparable and none of them minded. Thor and Tony had their way with Steve as often as they could, always telling him how much they loved his body.

And then one day, things changed. Steve was on a mission and something was off. Tony and Thor could feel it. Steve disappeared for several days without answering them. The news showed bombings and death and Steve in the middle of it all.

The two were ready to go help. They opened the door leave and there, wounded and bruised and bloody, was Steve.

“Oh, my god,” Tony breathed.

“What happened?” Thor asked as the two rushed to his side.

Steve waited until he regained his breath to speak. His voice was raspy but the words were clear. 

“Bucky’s alive.”


	3. Chapter 3

Thor and Tony had only heard rumors and pieces and Steve’s vague and avoidant answers about Bucky. They had heard Steve calling for Bucky in his sleep. They had heard Steve crying by himself sometimes about what they both could only assume to be Bucky. It was enough to intimidate them. How were they supposed to live up to this Bucky? How could they make Steve happy if he hadn’t moved on?

They never asked or pressured Steve to open up, because during the day he was always fine. Tony was also hesitant to look into Steve’s past or anything about Bucky. He figured Steve would tell him and Thor when the time was right. And that time was now.

Steve sat them down and fidgeted with his fingers after they’d fix up his wounds. His eyes were avoidant and he was shaky.

“It’s okay, Steve,” Thor spoke up. “You can tell us anything.”

“Bucky’s alive,” Steve said. He wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince.

“And you love him,” Tony replied softly.

Steve swallowed. He didn’t reply.

“We’ve heard you crying for him at night,” Thor said, continuing the soft tone. “We can’t be upset with you for something like this. If he’s back, he’s back.”

“That’s the thing. I don’t know if he’s _back_ ,” Steve stated.

Thor and Tony looked at each other. And in that moment they knew whoever this Bucky was — he had Steve’s heart forever. There was something about the way Steve said it that meant he would only ever want Bucky.

The mission consumed Steve. He sternly told them to stay out of it. He made a new friend, Sam, who helped him alongside Natasha.

He stopped sleeping at the headquarters and only thought about Bucky. And when he found him, it was short-lived. Bucky was alive but wasn’t who he used to be. Steve didn’t know how much more he could take.

Bucky escaped, and Steve and Sam weren’t going to stop until they found him.

Thor and Tony were set in their minds that they still wanted Steve to themselves, but they were going to be patient. None of them were exclusive so it wasn’t their business to tell Steve how to feel.

But something changed. Steve started coming back to see them more often. It was awkward at first — no one knew what to say. But Steve spoke first in that same assertive tone he had before he disappeared.

“I want to make it clear that Bucky is my soulmate,” he began. “I’m aware that once I find him, he might not ever get back to the Bucky I knew. But I owe it to him to try.”

Thor and Tony nodded.

“So,” Steve continued. “I’d like to know what you’re both interested in pursuing.”

The two other men were silent for several moments. They weren’t sure how to respond to that.

“Where’d this confidence come from?” Tony asked, smiling softly.

“I’ve been talking to my friend, Sam,” Steve said. “There’s a lot of trauma I’m starting to deal with.” Steve fidgeted with his thumbs for a moment. “And Bucky gives me hope.”

The two others nodded.

“I’ll enjoy whatever happens,” Thor said calmly. “Of course, I love you very much, but I understand Bucky holds your heart first and foremost.”

Steve’s eyes widened a bit. “You love me?”

Thor nodded, confused. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Right,” Steve said, processing. “Well that’s very nice to hear.”

Thor smiled. Tony looked away.

“Tony?” Steve asked.

“Well, gotta be honest, Cap,” he began. “Was looking for a future with you.”

“I understand,” Steve nodded. “I’m sorry, Tony. I don’t want you to feel that you’re a backup plan.”

“But?” Tony asked.

“No buts.”

“There is a but. It’s, but you want us to stay as fuck buddies while you find the love of your life,” Tony stated.

Steve sighed. “That’s not what’s happening.”

“Then what is happening?” Tony snapped.

Steve didn’t reply.

Then Tony realized. “Oh,” he said. “It’s _over_ over.”

Steve bit his lip nervously. Tony got up to walk away.

“Wait. Tony—“

But Tony was already leaving. Steve sighed again.

“It’s okay, he’ll come around,” Thor said. “Tell me about Bucky. I’d love to hear how he stole your heart.”

Steve sighed once again, a deep breath that lasted a while.

“It’s okay,” Thor said again.

Then Steve began to talk.

As Tony left, he heard Steve slowly open up. And as he did, he realized he’d never heard Steve talk about anyone like the way he spoke about Bucky.

It became clear to him that Steve had only one plan. He had returned to them confident and happy because his goal was set in his mind — he was going to get his Bucky back, whatever it took.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve continued his pursuit with Sam, and Tony tried to come around. He realized his feelings for the captain were deeper than he thought — moving on would be hard. Thor seemed to have no qualms about staying close with Steve, which Tony didn’t understand. But it was Thor, so not understanding the god’s motives was like breathing.

But gradually, little by little, Tony started to feel better again. He still wanted Steve, but being around him became more of a pleasure than a burden. 

And as they fought Ultron, Tony thought maybe being friends was enough. 

But it was when Tony was outside at Clint’s house, planning with the Avengers that his stomach sank. Everyone was outside except Steve and Thor.

Inside, Thor and Steve were discussing their visions that Wanda had made them endure. Thor was overly concerned with his, and Steve was trying to calm him down.

“It’s alright, buddy. Just tell me what you saw. I can help,” Steve said in that typical good citizen voice that drove Thor mad. 

“I need to figure some things out, Steve,” Thor replied. “I’ll be back.”

He started to walk outside but Steve grabbed his arm.

And that alone stopped Thor. Steve could feel the bulging bicep in his hand. The warmth and soothingness of it. The invitation to be protected again.

Thor turned to look at him, and suddenly they were too close to be just friends.

The next thing they knew, Thor was kissing Steve and pressing him against the wall. Steve knew it was wrong. He was supposed to be with Bucky, but his brain shut all logic down. Thor’s body and touch were too all-consuming.

Steve wrapped his legs around Thor as the god carried him upstairs to a bed. Thor stripped them quickly.

It was as the god started to push his cock inside Steve that Tony found them.

He didn’t know how to react at first. Thor ignored him and kept thrusting inside. But Steve swallowed nervously.

“Tony,” he said. He curled his toes and his eyes rolled back and Thor started to fuck him.

Tony stripped. He would deal with his anger later. He crawled on the bed and kissed Steve’s ear. So much for just friends.

“You’re messing with my head, Cap,” Tony whispered, his tone relaxed and joking, but with a hint of melancholy.

“I’m sorry, Tony,” Steve whispered back.

Tony kissed him. Thor kept fucking Steve as he leaned down and joined their kiss.

“Never seen such a gorgeous body in my life,” Tony said.

“Agreed,” Thor growled.

“Can I fuck you this time?” Tony asked.

“Yeah, baby, you can fuck me,” Steve replied, lowly. “Maybe we can fuck Thor, too.”

“Maybe one day,” Thor grumbled.

He picked up his pace, the three of them still kissing and nipping at each other’s lips and bodies.

Thor came first, wave after wave inside Steve. As he did, he bit down hard on Steve’s neck, leaving a hickey that wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.

Tony grew impatient and slid in moments after Thor pulled out.

“Oh Tony,” Steve groaned as the other man fucked him.

Thor never went soft, which wasn’t abnormal. But it came as a surprise when he pushed inside Tony and fucked him in the same rhythm that Tony fucked Steve.

When they came, it was euphoric. Breeding each other and painting each other in ropes of cum. They were sure the others could hear them moan and yell from outside, but they didn’t care.

After a while of coming down, Thor redressed, kissed them both and told them he’d be back after he got some answers.

Steve sighed as the god left.

“What’s wrong?” Tony asked, tracing lines across Steve’s chest.

“I know everyone else keeps secrets from me, but I thought Thor was the only one who would always be honest with me,” he replied.

“What about me?”

Steve shot him a look.

“You’re right. I do have some more secrets I could share,” Tony said.

Then, he fucked Steve again. And again and again and again, the door wide open the entire time.

This time, Tony thought a while later, things are going to get better. 

They defeated Ultron, the three of them grew closer, and Steve still seemed happy. The sex started to get more frequent and Tony thought they could stay happy like that. 

And then Bucky came back.

Again.


	5. Chapter 5

It took a while. After several fights and shootouts and chases and stress and exhaustion and a bombing, Steve had Bucky back. 

Tony had gotten a good look at him, when he was being attacked by him. And he wasn’t impressed. Well, of course, he was, but he wasn’t going to admit it. Bucky was gorgeous, strong, and a killing-machine. Though that last part didn’t seem like something that appealed to Steve.

Steve loved to protect people, but he also loved to be protected. Tony was realizing that Steve felt Bucky was the only person for that job.

It wasn’t soon after that Steve disappeared with Bucky. Tony wasn’t going to be able to track them down, but he was going to try to stop them. Steve has gone rogue, against the accords, and Bucky was a potential terrorist. Tony’s head hurt. 

Thor decided to stay impartial, much to the distaste of both Steve and Tony. Neither cared for impartiality when innocent lives were on the line. Steve knew Bucky was innocent and Tony knew Bucky was going to hurt innocents.

Tony was near his breaking point as they fought at the airport. And then Steve and Bucky got away.

“My Bucky,” Steve said as they were cruising to Siberia. He held Bucky so tightly, it felt stronger than his superhuman strength. Bucky held him back equally as tight.

“My Steve,” Bucky whispered back.

They held each other the entire way. After years of waiting and searching and fear, Bucky was Steve’s again. Steve let himself cry as they stayed wrapped in each other’s embrace.

“Not going anywhere ever again,” Bucky said softly. “Yours forever. I promise.” He let the tears fall, too.

“Never stopped loving you,” Steve hummed.

“Me too, angel. Even when I didn’t know it.”

The air outside was frigid but the two had never felt warmer. They were finally together and that was all that mattered.

“We’ll have to talk about some things,” Steve said. “And I don’t want to force anything on you — you’ve been through so much.”

“I know.” Bucky nodded as he rested his cheek on Steve’s head. “But later. We have time.”

Steve nodded back. “I’ll help you every step of the way.”

Bucky exhaled, finally. He was home.


	6. Chapter 6

The Avengers were no more. Bucky had torn them apart, whether Steve wanted to admit it or not. At least, that was Bucky and Tony’s perspective. Bucky had killed Tony’s parents, and there was no undoing that.

Steve knew Tony would never be obligated to forgive Bucky. But when it came down to it, Steve defended Bucky. It would always be Bucky.

In Steve’s mind, the person who killed Tony’s parents was not Bucky. It was Hydra. And Bucky was better now, thanks to Shuri. Or getting there, at least.

They’d stayed in Wakanda since the Avengers split up, only occasionally visiting their friends. Thor sometimes visited, too.

Steve confessed that he felt he’d been unfaithful to Bucky. Of course, Bucky said that was ridiculous. But Steve countered that his friends with benefits dynamic with Tony and Thor continued even after Steve found out Bucky was alive.

Logically, Bucky knew that made sense. Of course it had to be okay, Steve couldn’t have been sure that Bucky was ever going to return to his previous mind. And he wouldn’t have wanted Steve to wait and not live his life.

Emotionally, though, it bothered Bucky a bit. Steve was his and he didn’t want anyone else sharing.

He told Steve his split thinking and that he wasn’t mad, but just... jealous? No, that wasn’t it.

“Possessive,” Steve suggested, smirking ever so slightly.

“Maybe a little,” Bucky said, trying not to grin back.

“That’s hot,” Steve said, lowly, kissing Bucky’s cheek.

“Don’t start with me,” Bucky replied. 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Steve said, kissing him some more.

“You’re gonna get me worked up.”

“Sorry, sweetheart. Guess I’ll stop then,” Steve smirked.

“You better not,” Bucky growled.

Steve lay them down on the bed and settled himself on top of the other man.

“Hey, Buck?” Steve asked.

Bucky hummed in response, his eyes closed in bliss and his fingers running up and down Steve’s arm.

“I need you to know I’m really sorry about, you know, me being with Tony and Thor for those years.”

Bucky opened his eyes. “Listen,” he began. “Like I said. Logically, it makes sense. I’ll make peace with the emotional part eventually. It helps if you let me be a little possessive, though. Wanna hear that you’re mine.”

“Buck, you can get as possessive as you want. I’ll tell you I’m yours every day. Don’t think I’ll be getting sick of that ever,” Steve smiled.

“Come here,” Bucky pulled him into a kiss. “Love of my life.”

Bucky whined as Steve kissed across his beard and nipped at his neck. Steve groaned back in response.

“Please,” Bucky said. 

Steve hummed. “Gonna take care of you. Now and always.”

Bucky whined and arched his back under Steve. “Please,” he repeated. 

Steve stripped their shirts and nestled himself in between Bucky’s legs. “My Bucky.”

“Want you,” Bucky grumbled.

Steve nipped at his lover’s ear, their beards rubbing together. “You’re so cute.”

Bucky scoffed, “Mhm.”

“Love you.”

“Love you.”

Bucky reached his hands around and slid off Steve's pants and boxer briefs. “Want you,” he repeated.

“Impatient,” Steve laughed, leaving a hickey on his neck.

“We have to make up for a lot of time,” Bucky breathed. 

“Yeah,” Steve nodded.

And soon, they were making up that time. Steve had his cock buried in Bucky, fucking him rough and hard, breathless. Never breaking their kiss. 

Steve growled and fucked him even harder, as if he were passionate enough, it could turn back time. 

“I just want you forever,” Bucky whined.

“You have me forever, angel,” Steve breathed. 

Steve thrust hard and Bucky threw his head back. They came at the same time, Steve buried inside his man and stroking him until he finished.

“Fuck, Steve!” Bucky shouted. 

Steve bit Bucky’s lip as he filled him up. “God, Buck.”

They weren’t even finished cumming when Bucky flipped them around and pressed his lips to Steve’s.

“Oh, Buck,” Steve moaned.

“Wanna take care of you now,” Bucky said.

As Bucky fucked him, Steve had never felt happier. He loved taking care of other people, but Bucky could give him something no one else could. It was always Bucky.

“Harder, Buck. Fuck me!”

“My man,” Bucky growled.”

“Yours, Buck. Always yours. Only yours.”

“Mine,” Bucky growled again, biting Steve’s ear.

He came inside Steve a few moments later. He barely even touched Steve to get him to cum again. 

“Love of my life,” Bucky panted, coming down.

After several more rounds, they both collapsed and tried to regain their breath. 

It was soon after that Steve could hear some sighs. Sighs that turned into tears.

“Buck, what’s wrong?” Steve asked, squeezing the man lying on his chest.

“I can’t,” Bucky said, his voice broken.

Steve squeezed him tighter. Then he tilted Bucky’s chin to look him in the eyes. 

“Can’t what, angel?”

“I can’t lose you again. I can’t— I can’t lose myself again. I can’t go through everything I’ve been through again!”

Steve exhaled deeply. His heart hurt. 

“If anyone tries to hurt you ever again, they’re going to have to go through me. I’d take on the universe for you. Trust me, I’m not that helpless kid anymore.”

Bucky sighed and nodded and let the tears fall.

“I loved that helpless kid though,” Bucky said after a while.

Steve rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.” 

“I do know what you mean,” Bucky nodded. “And I know you’ve been through a lot, too. That I’ve put you through a lot.”

“Bucky,” Steve groaned. “Stop thinking like that. The only thing you’ve put me through is being the best boyfriend in history.” 

Bucky smiled. “I feel the same way. And I’d do anything for you, too.”

Steve kissed him softly. 

“We’ll keep healing together.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Bucky,” Steve grumbled, shaking the other man nervously. “Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, Bucky.”

“Steve”, Bucky cried, thrashing in his sleep, screaming in agony, calling out Steve’s name over and over. He had smashed the lamp on the night table and caused damage that Steve couldn’t yet see.

“Bucky, wake up!” Steve yelled as he shook him harder.

Bucky gasped awake, panting heavily and still thrashing.

“Get off me!” he yelled. “Where— where’s… where’s…” Bucky felt dizzy. He couldn’t see anything. The room was pitch black and he just wanted Steve. He couldn’t go back to the way things were again. 

“Bucky!” Steve shouted. “It’s me! It’s Steve. I’m right here. I’m here.” He hugged the other man tightly, feeling him hyperventilate. Hearing him cry and choke. “I’m right here. It’s Steve. I’m with you. You’re just having a nightmare.”

“Steve,” Bucky panted, his breathing starting to slow. “You’re here?”

“I’m right here. Okay? You can feel me breathing, right? You can hear my voice. You can feel my arms. I’m right here. This is real.”

Bucky’s body slowly started to un-tense. “I’m sorry,” he cried. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

“I thought I was with Hydra again,” Bucky sobbed. “And that I had lost you all over again.”

“Not gonna happen, sweetheart. I promise,” Steve kissed his forehead. 

“I thought I was better.”

“We’ll talk to Shuri.”

But Bucky needed some time to process. He wanted to get better on his own. He was sick and tired of not being able to just be better. It was always something. Leaving Steve to go to war, getting Steve back just to lose him again, falling off a train and almost dying, becoming a killing machine for Hydra that took years to undo and still wasn’t undone. It was too much. The pain was too hard to handle. 

“I’m just afraid for him,” Steve said. 

T’Challa nodded. “Would you like me to talk to Shur? I’m sure there is something more she can do.”

Steve sighed. “He wants to do this on his own. But if you could ask her for ideas, I’d appreciate it.” 

T’Challa nodded and squeezed Steve’s shoulder. “It will be okay.”

Steve nodded in response and looked down.

“How are you doing with it all?”

“Me?” Steve asked. 

T’Challa gave him a look. 

“What? I’m fine.”

The king mumbled. 

“I mean I know I have trauma to deal with, too. But I’m fine,” Steve stated. 

“Alright.”

Steve took Bucky out for a picnic, who had calmed down. He had the sun in his face and his eyes closed. They set up drinks and sandwiches and desserts, but Bucky was quiet and not eating. His head was in Steve’s lap as if nothing was wrong, but Steve felt something was off. 

“You’re staring,” Bucky said.

Steve laughed softly. “So?”

“Creepy old man.”

“You’re older by a year!” Steve chuckled. 

Bucky smiled.

Steve leaned down and kissed him. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.” 

Someone cleared their throat from behind them. Steve turned and saw Shuri. 

“Hey,” he said.

“My brother said you needed some help?” she asked.

“Steve,” Bucky said, annoyed.

“I’m sorry, Bucky. I didn’t— I’m sorry.”

“Is there something you can do?” Bucky turned his attention to Shuri.

“Possibly. Tell me what’s going on.”

Bucky went silent. Steve was still mentally beating himself up.

“You had a nightmare?” she continued.

“I don’t want to talk about this, actually,” Bucky grumbled.

“I’m sorry, Shuri,” Steve said.

“You were the one that called her here.”

Steve sighed.

“I’ll be here when you need me,” Shuri smiled and walked away. 

“Bucky, I’m really sorry. I asked T’Challa if Shuri could help eventually if you needed her,” Steve said. “I understand if you’re upset, though.”

Bucky turned on his side, still in Steve’s lap, and started tracing patterns on Steve’s open palms. “I’m not mad, I’m just… frustrated.”

“With me?”

“No. With myself. This is really hard.” 

They both exhaled deeply. 

“Just remember you’re not alone, Buck,” Steve said and kissed him on the head.

Bucky eventually agreed to let Shuri help him, but only after a couple more nightmares. He tried a sleeping pill, but he still woke up thrashing. He tried sleeping in a different room — which they both hated — and Steve still raced in to wake him up after hearing shouts. 

Shuri worked on his mind and did everything she could. But it still wasn’t enough. 

It wasn’t that Hydra had control over him — it was that he still remembered murdering innocent people. And that was unbearable. 

Shuri tried some more things, she wasn’t one to give up. Bucky didn’t want them wiped from his memory, he just wanted things to be… softer. She eventually came up with a plan, but it required something new. A piece of machinery — Steve and Bucky didn’t really know what it was. But it was something they could only find in one place. It was with one Tony Stark.


	8. Chapter 8

“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky,” Steve moaned. “Bucky, Bucky.”

“Mmm,” Bucky hummed. “Yeah, baby.”

“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, Bucky,” whispered Steve, over and over, as he fucked into him. 

“Yeah, baby,” Bucky groaned again. “Fuck me like you mean it. Like you own me.”

Steve's thrusts grew relentless, both slow and fast, aggressive and passionate. He’d pull his cock only partially out and slam it all the way back in, knocking the wind out of Bucky each time.

The other man dug his nails into Steve’s back, deep, but all Steve felt was love. Sweat dripped down both their hairy chests.

Bucky pulled Steve down into a kiss, nipping at each other’s beards and lips, licking each other’s tongues. 

“Harder, Steve,” Bucky demanded. “Wanna feel it for weeks.”

Steve’s cock throbbed as he fucked hard. Superhumanly hard. Bucky reached his arms back, above his head and braced himself against the controls of the ship they were flying in, crushing them. Okoye would be pissed. They didn’t care.

Steve fucked him harder. They both could hear the other clenching their teeth. Bucky thought Steve was going to fuck him in half. And he loved every second of it.

“Mine,” Steve growled, biting Bucky’s ear. “I own you, Buck.”

Bucky whined, “Yeah, Steve. Yours. Only yours. I belong to you.”

They were traveling back to the States and Steve had been fucking Bucky the entire time, each round more aggressive than the last. Bucky lost count of how many times Steve had already cum in him, his own cum splattering them both, matted in their beards and chest hair. 

Steve leaned in and licked some of the cum out of Bucky’s beard, dragging his tongue up, across his lover’s cheek. He let Bucky suck the cum off his tongue. 

“You have no idea how much I fucking love you,” Bucky panted. 

“Bucky!” Steve roared, thrusting one last time, so hard that Bucky’s body crushed the dashboard, destroying it completely. Steve bit down hard on Bucky’s neck, wrapping his arms tightly around the man underneath him. Bucky clenched his hole around Steve’s cock as the man shot inside him a flood of cum. From the friction alone, Bucky shot, too, painting layers of cum between their chests. 

“Mine, Buck,” Steve mumbled into Bucky’s neck. “Love of my life.”

“Yours, Steve,” Bucky replied, out of breath. “Always.”

Steve kept cumming, whispering sweet nothings and kissing Bucky, for a while, adding to the cum that was already there, that he’d been using as lube. When his stream finally stopped, his cock still ached. Bucky’s too. He started to thrust again, adding more hickeys to Bucky’s neck.

“My man,” Bucky moaned as Steve fucked him.

“Yeah,” Steve breathed. “Your man.” Cum leaked out around his cock as he thrusted. “Gonna fill you up with as many loads as I can before we get there, yeah?”

Bucky nodded vigorously as he licked at Steve’s cum-filled beard. 

“Maybe even in front of everyone. Let them know who you belong to.”

Bucky whined.

“You want that, Buck?”

Bucky nodded.

“Hmm, baby?”

“Yeah,” Bucky panted. “Please, Steve. You know how bad I want that. How bad I want everyone to know we’re each other’s forever.”

“Love that about you,” Steve replied and dove in for a kiss. “God, I used to think about you every day,” he roared, breaking the kiss and fucking Bucky harder than ever. “Used to get naked and touch myself thinking about you after I thought you were gone.”

“Fuck, Steve,” Bucky groaned.

“Used to get so worked up. Get so fucking hard. Used to finger myself in the shower, wishing it was your cock.”

“Steve, I’m close,” Bucky said. Steve stroked him.

“Used to fuck my fist imagining it was your tight hole.”

“Don’t stop, baby,” begged Bucky.

“Sometimes,” Steve said, his voice deeper than ever, “I’d have to jerk off on a mission when no one was looking because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.

“Fuck!” Bucky yelled.

They came again. And again and again. Neither went soft the entire way there. And Steve never pulled out.

Eventually, they landed, redressed as they exited and put on some deodorant quickly, wiping the sweat from their foreheads.

“Gonna be feeling that for a while,” Bucky said, grumbling as he moved.

“Hey, you asked,” Steve laughed, pulling him in for a kiss.

“You know what I like,” Bucky smiled. “Such a filthy man.”

Steve blushed. “You know how to get me worked up.”

“Thinking about a dead man like that,” Bucky teased.

Steve blushed harder.

“I’m just messing with you,” Bucky said softly. “I know how hard it must’ve been.”

Steve sighed and nodded.

“Best boyfriend in the universe,” Bucky kissed him. They held each other tightly for a few moments before letting go. “Gonna have to take you up on that deal to fuck in front of your friends, though,” he winked.

Steve blushed even harder. 

They exited the carrier that they had completely destroyed and defiled and walked to Tony’s property. Steve was nervous and Bucky could feel it. They hadn’t seen each other in a while. Bucky was interested to see if Tony would have the nerve to flirt with Steve in front of him.

But none of that ended up mattering.

They knocked on the door and waited for an answer. They were surprised when one Peter Parked answered it in just his underwear. 

“Why are you knocking, Tony, the door’s—”

Peter cut himself off once he saw that the people at the door were not, in fact, Tony. His face turned redder than a tomato. 

“Oh, hey guys.”


	9. Chapter 9

“I am _so_ sorry,” Peter said as he hid around the corner and dressed. “I wasn’t expecting anyone. Well, we never really are. But I’m really happy to see you guys! It’s been a while.”

Steve and Bucky looked at each other as they sat on the couch and waited for him. When he emerged, he was dressed in some jeans and an old MIT sweatshirt. Tony’s.

“Good to see you, too,” Steve said.

“And, um, Mr. Barnes, not that we’re just meeting. But we haven’t really talked a lot,” Peter babbled.

“You can just call me Bucky,” said the other man.

“Okay. Cool. Can I get you guys anything to drink?”

“No, thank you,” Steve said.

Peter nodded. He looked at them and it was clear he ran out of things to say. So, he nodded some more.

“Are you and Tony…” Bucky said.

“Buck,” Steve whispered.

“Just curious.”

“Uh, yeah,” Peter said. “We are. But maybe I should let him tell you about it.”

Steve nodded.

“So, are you just here to visit?” Peter asked.

“We need Tony’s help,” Steve said. “Bucky’s having a hard time moving on.”

Peter dropped his gaze to the floor. Bucky knew what that meant.

“He’s not going to help me,” Bucky said.

“What?” Steve asked. “Tony? He will.”

“I’m sorry, Cap,” Peter chimed in, “but Mr. Bar— Bucky might be right.”

“He’s still hurting?” Steve asked.

“Not something you really get over, Cap,” a fourth voice said. The three men looked over at the door to see Tony standing with some groceries.

“Tony,” Steve’s face lit up for a moment. Then he realized what he had said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know what you meant,” Tony replied. He sounded… defeated? Bucky avoided eye contact.

Tony set the groceries down in the kitchen and came over to the living room. “Hi, sweetheart,” he said and kissed Peter.

Peter smiled and melted a little. Tony sat next to him, leg to leg, put his arm around him, and pulled the younger man close.

“So,” he said. “You need my help?”

Steve nodded and looked to Bucky, who was still looking away, unresponsive. The room fell silent for several moments. Steve and Tony stared at each other for a while. Neither was entirely sure if it was one reason or fifty, but the tension was thick.

“Barnes?” Tony spoke up. “I’m not going to try to kill you again.”

Bucky cringed, his face scrunched up and his body tensed as if everything were happening all over again.

“I— I’m,” Bucky started to say slowly. “I’m— I don’t know what to say. There’s nothing I could say that could make up for what I did.” Then he made eye contact with Tony.

“No,” Tony stated. “There’s not.”

“Tony,” Steve interjected.

“Cap,” Tony shot back.

“Guys,” Peter said nervously.

“It wasn’t him. It was Hydra,” Steve said.

“I don’t want to hear it, Cap, jesus. The amount of times I’ve heard those words come out of your mouth.” Steve wished Tony would stop calling him Cap. There was distance every time he said it.

He looked away. “You never returned any of my calls, texts, letters, anything, Tony.”

“Am I obligated to?” Tony spat. “You’re not a priority to me anymore, Cap.”

Bucky clenched his fist softly.

“I’m not asking to be a priority. I’m asking for help for Bucky.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Alright. Whatever. What is it?”

“It’s fine, Steve,” Bucky spoke up. “I don’t want his help if he’s going to speak to you like that.”

“Excuse me?” Tony shot back. “You think you have a say in any of this after what you did?”

“Guys,” Peter repeated. He put his hand on Tony’s thigh.

“You can be as mad at me as you want. But don’t take it out on Steve,” Bucky said, his voice raspy and Tony hated it. He always thought Bucky spoke like a… fuckboy, is what Peter said the word was these days. So, that, but dead. A dead fuckboy.

“Tony, can I talk to you in private?” Steve said, impatiently.

The other man rolled his eyes, hesitantly got up, and walked outside. Steve followed him.

“So,” Peter said, awkwardly, trying to immediately fill the silence. “I like the way you talk.”

Bucky nodded.

“It’s got a rasp. Kinda sexy,” he shook his head. “Sorry. Shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s okay,” Bucky replied.

“I think you’re pretty cool.”

Bucky laughed through his nose. “Thanks, kid.”

Outside, Steve followed Tony down to the lake.

“Alright. What is it?”

Steve sighed. “What’s going on? You’re being especially hostile.”

“Hostile?” Tony said, almost laughed.

“I have to ask,” began Steve. “Is this about what happened a few years ago? That I left with Bucky?”

“You think I’m still hung up on you?” Tony’s jaw almost dropped. “First of all, I’m very happy with Peter. We’ve built a life together and I love him. I really do, okay?”

Steve nodded.

“Second, this isn’t about you for once, Cap. I know that’s hard to believe, but it’s not the easiest thing for me to get over, you know? The fact that my friend is dating the man who murdered my parents.”

“I’m sorry.”

Tony went to add something, but he saw in Steve’s eyes something he recognized. Pain, guilt, and most of all, exhaustion. Steve was exhausted.

“What does he need?”

“He’s been having a lot of nightmares. He can’t shake them. During the day he’s okay, but at night is when he really remembers it all.”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

“Tony, please,” Steve begged. “Please just be nice. I miss you. I miss our friendship. I was really happy to come here and see you. And I know how hard it must be for you, I really do.”

Tony closed his eyes and sighed. “I think you should go, Cap.”

Steve clenched his jaw. “You’re not who I thought you were.”

Tony winced. Steve walked away.

He didn’t get very far though. The sky grew gray and stormy suddenly. Thunder cracked and lightning struck and before their eyes, a god landed in front of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading !!! :)


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